


Ho Ho Holy Shit

by ettical



Category: Guardians of Childhood - William Joyce, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Dimension Travel, Gen, Post-Iron Man 3, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Self-Indulgent, that just means im going to ignore the other avengers movies, this fic is me going i like those two things time to make one cursed fic with them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ettical/pseuds/ettical
Summary: Tony has been working on a machine that would allow travel in between different universes. With no maps of the multiverse available, the only solution seems to be to run before he could walk and shoot blind.During the first test, a mysterious group of people enter his lab through the portal.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Ho Ho Holy Shit

**Author's Note:**

> this is my self indulgent crack fic so like be prepared im disregarding everything i dont care about
> 
> Timeline - Post-Avengers and Post Iron Man 3, but pre-Winter Soldier for the MCU, post- E. Aster Bunnymund and the Warrior Eggs at the Earth's Core, pre-everything else because I am Lazy and didn't bother to reread the other books.
> 
> also... Tony has Iron Man suits again but no Arc reactor plus Morgan exists cus she is too sweet for me to leave out
> 
> biggest thanks to elphie they are literally one of the only reasons this exists

"Tony, are you sure you don't want to run just a few more tests and simulations before you finish this and turn it on?"

The aforementioned mechanic slid out from under the machine he was building and flashed a smile at the other scientist, "Of course, Brucie, why would I need to test anything when I can just build the machine and hope for the best?" at his distrusting face, Tony changed his tone and went for a calmer approach, "I'm not running simulations because there's no use in them. I know enough not to accidentally make a black hole, but that's the extent of both of our knowledge."

Bruce took a seat by the creation and countered, "If we know so little, why shouldn't we try to get to know more about it? Perhaps you could ask Thor?"

Tony's eyebrows raised slightly before he answered, incredulity coloring his tone, "Point Break? He may talk about his adventures all day, but the moment I even mention workings of the Bifrost or similar devices, he shuts up. So, the only way to get to know more about what's beyond our universe is to simply dive in and hope that there are no murderous mirror selves on the other side."

The scientist observed the other man, the way he gesticulated while talking, a wrench still firmly grasped in his hand, and the sparks of wonder igniting in his curious eyes. It seemed that there was no talking him down from this project, no matter what he would try. Perhaps it would be good to throw caution in the wind as he too was inquisitive about the possibility of alternate universes and what could be found in there.

"I still don't wholly agree with you on that, but I'll trust that you won't trigger another invasion." he got ready to leave the lab, his foot almost out the door before he turned and added, "Be sure to give me a call when you make some progress."

______________________________________

It had taken him quite some time and multiple much-scorned allnighters, but after countless hours of work, the first prototype of a cross-universal portal had been completed. Midway in, he had requested the help of a few other scientists such as Erik Selvig and Jane Foster, though Bruce, despite his slightly different scientific background, had been able to give a few pointers along the way as well.

He didn't quite believe that he had done it either, though he'd doubt it until he saw that machine in action, hopefully opening a gateway to a peaceful universe rather than a fucked-up one. Tony could understand the others' distrust, he was truly shooting blind when it came to this, but his hunger for knowledge would not be satisfied without taking risks. 

Though the amount of information held by them was small, he'd still figured out Earth's general constant coordinates within the universe. If he managed to apply those same coordinates but tie them to the whole alternate universe aspect, the machine should create a portal to an alternative Earth. It would be a waste of his time and energy if he only reached the vacuum of space instead of his home planet.

To prepare for the first activation of the machine, he double-checked all the parts and numbers regarding it and connected it to the Tower's arc reactor. Since there was no way of knowing who or what could be on the other side, he called his armor for protection. 

As he had promised, he called Bruce, "Hey, big guy. I'm going to turn on the portal now, so if you'd like to see my great success or alternatively, my devastating failure, you better come down!"

Without giving an answer, the call disconnected, but it didn't worry Tony. Soon enough, he heard the lab doors open and the haggard scientist entering. He seemed to have rushed there without a care, a half-eaten Pop-Tart still between his lips and a cup of coffee in hand.

Tony retracted his faceplate and snickered at the man's appearance, "Slow down, would you? I wasn't going to start it without you here, you could have at least finished your coffee." he eyed the cup, trying to judge whether or not it had been drunk out of, "Unless that's for me?" he finished with a hopeful smile.

As an answer, Bruce simply took a sip from the cup, earning himself a groan and a look of utter dismay from Tony. He finished the food and placed the coffee on the side where it hopefully wouldn't be disturbed.

Tony made a few exaggerated gestures and began to speak in his most overblown voice, "We have gathered here today to commemorate the day I, Tony Stark..." at the chuckles coming from Bruce, he paused and began to laugh as well, unable to continue further, "Okay, I can't do this. I'll just turn it on."

Tony took a look at the computer screens to check things over for the final time, hunching over slightly as he did so as the thrusters in the boots of his armor made him a bit taller than he usually was. Then, he flipped all the necessary switches and took a step back. 

The machine roared to life, slowly powering up before a shimmering blue-white light emanated from it. It swirled around its center, growing bigger by the second before reaching a certain size and stopping. Before the two men was what seemed to be a hole in the very fabric of the universe.

Tony was just about to take a step towards it and peek through when he saw a piece of metal appearing from it. It moved around a little, making motions similar to a sword slashing before retracting and disappearing. It only took a second, but the next thing to enter was not a thing at all, it was a small bird that flew a circle all around the lab, chirped a few times, and flew straight back into the portal.

Iron Man was jovial, he had created this machine and now he knew it worked. There was no telling whether the destination of it was Earth, an alien planet with birds, or another Earth entirely. 

He was about to enter it and find out, when the metal reemerged, this time in its entirety, revealing it to be a golden saber with a jeweled handle. In a moment, the man holding it came through, along with four other companions, all with surprised and distrusting expressions on their faces. Four of them seemed to be close to normal, human-looking, the other, tallest of the bunch, was a huge rabbit in green robes holding a staff.

______________________________________________

It had been a beautiful day in a village in Eastern Siberia. The air was crisp and the sky was clear of any clouds. It was calm and quiet, the sun beginning to lower towards the horizon, bathing everything in shades of orange and pink.

During this time of peace, something happened that was nigh inexplainable to the inhabitants. Before their very eyes, near the trunk of a massive tree appeared a swirl of light.

Unable to make heads or tails of the matter, a nearby child called for someone that would be able to help - the two wizards living inside of the tree. At the kid's shout, the two men jumped up from their seats near the fireplace, grabbed their weapons, and ran outside.

The first of them to reach it was a young man, clearly a warrior rather than simply someone who walked around with their nose in a book (though he was known to do so as well). He unsheathed his sword and pointed at the mysterious light. To his amazement, it went straight through it, but judging by the gasps of the village people, it hadn't passed to the other side. He made a few experimental slashes, but it didn't even disturb the light.

The man would have continued if it weren't for his former teacher placing a hand on his shoulder, motioning for him to stop. While he had been fighting against this phenomenon, three others had joined them - a seven-foot-tall rabbit, a boy seemingly made out of light, and a young girl holding a thick book.

"Stop for a moment, lad. No need to wave your sword at everything you don't understand." the older man spoke, his mustache twisting and twirling and a thoughtful look on his face.

"I have never seen anything quite like this before. It could be one of Pitch's traps. Could be a spell. A dream. A star. Or it could be nothing of importance." said the bunny, dipping his paw into the whirls and letting it wash over his fur.

They too saw the bird meddling with it, their minds falling even deeper into thought once they saw it come back out.

The youngest of them, a girl in a yellow coat, suddenly shouted, "It's a door! This leads somewhere!"

"But where?" the warrior wondered, raising his sword again and stepping closer to the mystery, determined to reveal its secrets.

"Be careful! You don't know what awaits on the other side!" the old man warned, albeit futilely. 

With no other solution they could think of, the group soon followed him as soon as he had disappeared into the light. They were scared, but if there had been any dangers on the other side, the man, much like the bird, would have returned swiftly.

A few others attempted to go to the other side as well, the most adamant being the shortest of the children named William. Before they could reach the glimmering light though, it disappeared into nothingness, leaving everyone still left in the village shocked. Without the light, how would their heroes, their guardians return?

Unease descended over the villagers as whispers of their friend's demise spread across them. As the final rays of the sun disappeared, the only thing cutting through the darkness and the darkened moods of people were the shining rays of the moon.


End file.
